i want,i want, i want

I want to learn how to play Transatlantisicm by Death Cab for Cutie. I want to play it beautifully and sing it with such heart that it swells up inside me and everyone who hears me. I want to learn how to create music so that I can express myself in a form that is physical before emotional, emotional before logical and living above all else. I need to turn my suffering into something beautiful and transformative. I want to feel and move and sing and dance and write and paint and explode so that all my confusion and hopelessness has a home. It is lonely in my head. It is lonely in my heart. A place so fluid and mercurial, a space that is vast, endless and small all at once.